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Fic: All My Love to Long Ago
Title: All My Love to Long Ago
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tarnera
Appearing in this work: 9th Doctor.
Spoilers/Timeline: Just after the Time War, pre-New Series.
Word Count: 629
Summary: The only thing the Doctor has left is regrets and memories.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, save my crazy theories.
I had the quote from Time Crash running through my head, and I really wanted to do something with it.
He stands in his TARDIS, still wearing the vaguely Edwardian clothes of his last incarnation. They're a little small on this new body, a little bit snug across the chest, but he doesn't move to change into something that fits better. He's watching what he's done. He's watching because he's the only one left. He's watching because if he didn't he'd never be able to face another mirror, never be able to live with himself. He watches his world burn, watches it die in complete silence.
It's strange. He's been so many different men and he's met himself on several occasions, but he has never before been afraid that he won't like himself. He's always liked himself, although of course some of his regenerations are better than others. But this is a new body, a new personality, and he's just done a terrible thing, something he will never be able to forget. Something he won't let himself forget. He will never forget any of them. Rassilon, Omega, Borusa, Morbius, Flavia, Damon, Leela, even Maxil. And Romana. Dear, sweet Romanadvoratrelundar, dead like all the others. His granddaughter probably is too, but he tries not to think about that. The thought of Susan being dead is almost too painful to bear.
But he will remember them all. He can do that much for them. He will remember all the ones who fought so bravely in the war, and laid down their many lives in its name. He will remember all those who came before, even the ones that were misguided or wrong, because if he ever forgot them it would be like they had never even been. After what he's about to do, no one else in all of space and time will even know the once-powerful Time Lords existed, except as legends and whispers of myth.
He watches the last of his home world get swallowed in flames and darkness. Turning to the TARDIS console, he swiftly flicks a few switches and presses certain buttons, setting the controls for a time lock around what he's done. After setting it in motion, he goes back to looking at the place where Gallifrey once hung in space for as long as the time lock will let him. He closes his eyes, thinks of all the things he did on that planet: growing up, attending university, friends and enemies made. He thinks of how it all began, this crazy-paving lifestyle of his. Of every opportunity missed, every chance he had to catch up with old friends and didn't bother. Of every time he thought in passing about going back just to walk under that burnt-orange sky for a bit, but let the impulse pass him by. He really didn't value it enough while it was around, always going other places, thinking it would still be there in a few millennia. That it would still be there long after he gave up his traveling ways, after he got too old to ramble around like this.
A few tears run down his face. He opens his eyes to look at the monitor. It's done. His terrible deed has been locked in time, forever. No one will ever change it and there is no way to bring them back. He swipes at the moisture on his face fiercely, breathes deep a few times. That's better, no more tears. No more grief. That is the last time he will cry for his people, his home, his Gallifrey.
He thinks of the trees and the sky one last time. He leans over the console, sets the TARDIS controls, pulls a lever. It's high time he went to see what sort of trouble he could get himself into.
In the days to come...all my love to long ago.
Author:
tarneraAppearing in this work: 9th Doctor.
Spoilers/Timeline: Just after the Time War, pre-New Series.
Word Count: 629
Summary: The only thing the Doctor has left is regrets and memories.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, save my crazy theories.
I had the quote from Time Crash running through my head, and I really wanted to do something with it.
He stands in his TARDIS, still wearing the vaguely Edwardian clothes of his last incarnation. They're a little small on this new body, a little bit snug across the chest, but he doesn't move to change into something that fits better. He's watching what he's done. He's watching because he's the only one left. He's watching because if he didn't he'd never be able to face another mirror, never be able to live with himself. He watches his world burn, watches it die in complete silence.
It's strange. He's been so many different men and he's met himself on several occasions, but he has never before been afraid that he won't like himself. He's always liked himself, although of course some of his regenerations are better than others. But this is a new body, a new personality, and he's just done a terrible thing, something he will never be able to forget. Something he won't let himself forget. He will never forget any of them. Rassilon, Omega, Borusa, Morbius, Flavia, Damon, Leela, even Maxil. And Romana. Dear, sweet Romanadvoratrelundar, dead like all the others. His granddaughter probably is too, but he tries not to think about that. The thought of Susan being dead is almost too painful to bear.
But he will remember them all. He can do that much for them. He will remember all the ones who fought so bravely in the war, and laid down their many lives in its name. He will remember all those who came before, even the ones that were misguided or wrong, because if he ever forgot them it would be like they had never even been. After what he's about to do, no one else in all of space and time will even know the once-powerful Time Lords existed, except as legends and whispers of myth.
He watches the last of his home world get swallowed in flames and darkness. Turning to the TARDIS console, he swiftly flicks a few switches and presses certain buttons, setting the controls for a time lock around what he's done. After setting it in motion, he goes back to looking at the place where Gallifrey once hung in space for as long as the time lock will let him. He closes his eyes, thinks of all the things he did on that planet: growing up, attending university, friends and enemies made. He thinks of how it all began, this crazy-paving lifestyle of his. Of every opportunity missed, every chance he had to catch up with old friends and didn't bother. Of every time he thought in passing about going back just to walk under that burnt-orange sky for a bit, but let the impulse pass him by. He really didn't value it enough while it was around, always going other places, thinking it would still be there in a few millennia. That it would still be there long after he gave up his traveling ways, after he got too old to ramble around like this.
A few tears run down his face. He opens his eyes to look at the monitor. It's done. His terrible deed has been locked in time, forever. No one will ever change it and there is no way to bring them back. He swipes at the moisture on his face fiercely, breathes deep a few times. That's better, no more tears. No more grief. That is the last time he will cry for his people, his home, his Gallifrey.
He thinks of the trees and the sky one last time. He leans over the console, sets the TARDIS controls, pulls a lever. It's high time he went to see what sort of trouble he could get himself into.
In the days to come...all my love to long ago.
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Thanks so much!
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*goes off to smoosh Nine*
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*luffs your icon*
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I like this, because most post-Time War post-regeneration stories are so unrelievedly downers. There's at least a hint of his real spirit in the last line of this one - more than a hint. Brava.
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Thanks again for reading!
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Carrie
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Thanks for reading!